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Some humourous conversations from Cuddleland ...


Here are some snippets of conversations taken from various threads on alt.cuddle. All of these events are real. The names have not been changed to implicate the guilty. Enjoy, and have fun with them. : )



[Sharing bodies and underwear thread]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
J - Jen the Sexratary of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
K - Kit, the Miscevious Kitty Kat
? - Unknown (not in newsreader anymore)

J: Uh.... whose? Yours or ours? Or are you wearing ours? Or do we not
J: want to know? Stay tuned....

?: Do you mean to say you _share_ your undies?!?!?!? The mind boggles....

j: Well, since Jen and I are really one and the same person (along with
j: Barzum) then it makes sense that we share undies. It'd be silly for
j: our one slightly abused body to wear two or more pairs of undies at
j: once... See?! Aren't you glad you asked?!

J: Anyway, in these hard econmic times it only makes sense to share bodies
J: and underwear too. Us underpaid, overworked cuddle dominatrixes (sp?)
J: have to save money somewhere!

P: Overworked?
P: Buahahahahahahahaha!!!!

J: Did you hear him laugh j.??? I wonder if he has been faking the whole
J: innocent thing. Get your whips and teach him a cuddle lesson....

P: *Pooky quickly scans the edges of alt.cuddle for a way to escape ...*

J: And slightly abused, j.? Man - like I told you before - you have got to
J: at least wash to oil off the body before you give it back to me for the
J: week....

j: Oil?! That oil ain't nuthin' compared to the clam dip I found in various
j: orifaces after you handed the body back to me. I'd ask, but I probably
j: don't want to know.

J: Hey man - I explained all that to you. It just happened once - but you
J: ALWAYS leave oil on the body. And not only that - it isn't even the low
J: cholesterol stuff - you could at least watch out for our health. ; )

j: Hey I didn't know that 30 weight stuff was high in cholesterol!!!!

J: [ Tender minded individuals ignore the next line :*) ]

j: Tender minded individuals croaked over in this thread a long time ago...

J: And you are right - you probably don't really want to know what happened
J: with me, Tom Cruise and the clam dip. ; )

j: No, I'm an adult, my driver's license sez so (yep, I still gots one), so
j: go ahead, Jen, tell us all about it. What was that game you played again?
j: Hide the..... summer sausage? And what was the part about the gerbil
j: again? And how'd we get hickeys on our toenails for crissakes?!

K: Or *chuckles* You could ask j to get someone ELSE to wash your shared body
K: before you get it back !! More *fun* that way !!

j: Now there's an idea!!!

K: *Stops and looks around Cuddleland* "Any volunteers ?? "
P: Are you asking m'dear?

j: Ok! ok! Quit pushing! Form one line, folks! ok everyone! Settle down!
j: hey, it could happen!

P: Oooh ... *Pooky*thinks*about*washing*oil*off*someone*else's*body* ...

J: Pooky?
J: *Jen waves her hands in front of his face*
J: Pooky? Wake up...stop daydreaming....

P: Huh? Whuzzat? ...
P: I was just thinking about physical intimacy with a friend. : )
P: *evil*snickering* ...

J: See j.?? He really is evil. I guess you corrupted him big time. :*

P: I was just an innocent pawn in Judy's capable hands ...


And this thread also begat some gems [somehow? : )] ...

K: *Stops and looks around Cuddleland* "Any volunteers ?? "
P: Are you asking m'dear?

j: Ok! ok! Quit pushing! Form one line, folks! ok everyone! Settle down!
j: hey, it could happen!

P: Oooh ... *Pooky*thinks*about*washing*oil*off*someone*else's*body* ...
P: And leading us into temptation ...

J: And corrupting the Lord's prayer too...

P: If I was corrupting the Lord's prayer ... it would be like this ...
P: O cuddle, which art so heavenly,
P: Hallowed be thy warmth,
P: Let cuddles come,
P: Let cuddles be done,
P: On earth as it is in heaven.
P: Give us this day our daily cuddle,
P: And forgive us if we do not cuddle,
P: As we forgive those who did not cuddle us.
P: And lead us not into temptation,
P: but deliver us another cuddle.
P: For in the cuddle is the love,
P: the power and the glory,
P: forever and ever ...
P: Amen.
P: (Wow ... I think that says a lot more that I originally thought it would : )


[Justice's creation of Cuddle Bondage ...]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
J - Justice
S - Steve K.
C - Sir Ciha Pet

J: Hey, I know! How about alt.cuddle.bondage? j & Jen would like
J: that, I'm sure... :*

S: I could cope with that...quite easily. : ) : ) : ) *grin*
S: (cmon, justice, I wanna shot! ; )

J: OK. I haven't posted for a while because of RL tiredness and busyness,
J: but I have kept up on the escapades of Judy, Jen, Pooky, et al, and I
J: think that it's reasonable to create a new group to meet their special
J: cuddle needs: alt.cuddle.bondage

P: *ROTFL!* ... *Egads* ... *wipes*tear*from*his*eye* ...

C:*collapses in a fit of laughter*

J: This forum would be devoted expressly to cybercuddle scenarios involving
J: licorice whips, Pooky suits, and other paraphenalia, and would be
J: separate from the more esoteric concerns of day-to-day cuddlers.

J: Not that Judy and Jen are specifically the instigators of cuddle bondage,
J: but that it is a concern that deserves its own special place in
J: cuddleland, one that is specifically equipped for the demands of it (Set
J: up a black licorice supply channel there, e.g.).

J: To all, huggs and cuddles.
J: To bondage cuddlers, tie me up and hug me, NOW!

P: Kay ...

P:                    ___        _    _            
P:                   / __|_ __ _(_)__| |_          
P:                   \__ \ V  V / (_-* ' \   _ _ _ 
P:                   |___/\_/\_/|_/__/_||_| (_|_|_)
P:        _____ _         _____ _         _____ _             
P:       |_   _(_)___    |_   _(_)___    |_   _(_)___         
P:         | | | / -_)_    | | | / -_)_    | | | / -_)  _ _ _ 
P:         |_| |_\___( )   |_| |_\___( )   |_| |_\___| (_|_|_)
P:                   |/              |/                       
P:  ___ _         _           _  __         _     
P: | _ |_)_ _  __| |         | |/ /_ _  ___| |_   
P: | _ \ | ' \/ _` |  _ _ _  | ' *| ' \/ _ \  _|_ 
P: |___/_|_||_\__,_| (_|_|_) |_|\_\_||_\___/\__(_)

P: Oh Judy! Jen! ... I have a willing participant here ... *giggle*

j: Looky looky, Jen! Another willing victim! er..uh...participant! Yea,
j: that's what I mean. That's really kewl of Justice to share the experience
j: like this. You aren't allergic to feathers are you Steve?

C: But then you wouldn't get all that attention yourself, Pooky. You know
C: you love it. : )

P: Well ... yeah ... *blush* ... but it's not just Pooky's who can have all
P: the fun. *giggle* ... Mass bondage?

P: alt.cuddle.bondage cuddles ...

C: *snork*
C: The idea just boggles the mind. =)

P: *snicker* ... I'm just waiting for someone to propose:
P: alt.cuddle.bondage.pooky.licorice.whips.tie.tie.tie

P: *medic*
P: As ever eternal ...
P: Just ... trying to be innocent ...


[Pooky having a alcoholic drink ...]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
J - Jen the Sexratary of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
B - Bruce M.
Y - Yvette (Yva)
K - Kit, the Miscevious Kitty Kat

[Pooky's company had a big Beer and Pizza bash ... and Pooky indulged ...]

P: *giggle*intoxicated*cuddles*and*nuzzles*kiss*oop!*blush*
P: Tee hee ... oop! I get too affectionate when I've had a few drinks. : )

B: (too affectionate?) No such thing, Pooky.

P: We just received ISO9002 Certification here ...

K: I dunno what one of THOSE is , but it sounds like something good.
K: *mischievous grin* But is it as good as being tickle-ambushed by warm
K: armfuls of your female cuddlebuddies??? *hug* *purrrrrs* *cudddle* *tickle*

P: Ummm ... no ... but when could that happen?
P: [waiting anxiously ... : ) : ) : ) O: ) ]

Y: You are really waiting for me to tease you some more, aren't you Pookster?
Y: You giddy flirt, you. : )

P: *snuggle*nuzzle*cuddle*purr*growl*nip*nibble*nibble*hug*hug*hug*

B: *blush*

P: A hah! Someone else who blushes! : )

K: *squeel of delight*

P: *fire*engine*red*blush*

Y: *growl* ooh, Pooky has gone Rabid!! Someone grab some black licorice
Y: whips so we can keep him from doing more damage to himself.

P: Oh-oh ... Me thinks I'll be hiding ... *growl*nip*

Y: Don't hide, I only meant to share my delicious black licorice with you.
Y: *grin*

P: Black Licorice? Delicious? Nope.

Y: You could get yourself into trouble Pooky if you aren't careful.

P: Somehow I always seem to ... *sigh* ... *GRiN* ... *cuddle*cuddle*cuddle*
P: *giggle*blush*hug*hug*hug*snuggle*purrrr*nibble*nibble*nip*nibble*

K: *mischievous grin* *poke* Now how am I going to explain these *teethmarks*
K: to my mother ?? Or to my father ??? *naughty giggles*

P: *gulp*
P: *redder*blush*than*any*shade*of*red*that*you've*ever*seen*before* ...

Y: *Yva nods her head in complete agreement*
Y: You gotta love that weird stuff that makes mush outta your brain. : )

Y: You are too cute, birthday boy. :-) Shall I bring all my Disney Movies
Y: to the birthday party?? *snuggle*cuddle*hug*

P: I just had to spread some happiness around! : )

B: And look at the mess you've made! I hope you're going to clean up after
B: yourself, young man!

P: Yes dad. I pwomise I will. *sigh* ...
P: Picking up the broken beer bottles, and leftover pizza ...
P: "Mmmm ... Pizza"

P: Four score and seven drinks ago ...

Y: Let's not forget about life, liberty and the pursuit of intoxication!!!


[Appointment to President of Vice ...]

D - Deb W.
M - Mary Ann
j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
S - Stu of the flannelled knickers
A - Alex H.

D: I need a Vice-President to help me keep track of all these staff members.
D: Who wants the job?

M: But surely alt.cuddlers are devoid of vice?

j: Hee hee *evil laughter* That's what you think.

P: [Wakko's rimshot]
P: *giggle* - "GOOD ONE!"
P: *smiling*a*grin*which*makes*people*wonder*what's*going*on*

j: I'd like to be the President of Vice! Can Pooky be my Assistant to
j: President of Vice?

P: *oop* ... I thought we're also the staff members for "Sexuality Studies"

j: Well, I offered myself up as the President of Vice before I saw that you
j: had volunteered me for Sexuality Studies. And what about your stiff member?
j: *evil snicker*

P: Well ... *blush* ... maybe we could handle both positions?

j: I woz also pondering this:
j: I think Jen can be our sexratery to the Assistant to the President of Vice.

A: Hmm, J on top, jen on the bottom, Pooky in the middle.
A: Sounds like trouble for Pooky again.

A: Better run if you see licorice in the supply cabinets, Pooky.

S: Hee hee, there is nothing wrong with a vice or two ... like chocolate
S: cravings, or ummmm tactility ... ... but you're right. Do we really need
S: a president who is in charge of these things... How bout VICE MANAGER?
S: Managing them is far more fun than presiding over them : )


[Pooky's Birthday Licorice Trap ...]

Story by Princess Angela ...

A - Princess Angela
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
t - tasia, that mischevious Kitten ...

A: Princess Angela is sitting all alone in her rose garden, looking very
A: sad. "I've got all this red licorice - and I don't like licorice!"

A: Pooky, walking around Snuggle Pond, hears this sad lament.

P: Red Licorice? And someone doesn't want it?

A: "I'LL help Princess Angela!", he says, and rushes up Neptune Lane to the
A: Cuddle Castle. He finds Princess Angela and says, "red licorice! Oh
A: boy! (Thank goodness it isn't black licorice!)"

A: Princess Angela smiles and hands him the end of a strand of red
A: licorice. Pooky eagerly grabs it, thinking of delicious red licorice ...
A: and is startled as the red licorice levitates, and turns into a looong
A: strand, which wraps itself around Pooky so he can't move!

P: Yeep!

A: "What!" he looks at Princess Angela for an explanation.
A: She giggles.

A: Pooky tries to free himself "this is so strange; this only happens with
A: black licorice - " Pooky looks closely at the licorice - and sees - is
A: that paint flaking off? A horrified Pooky realizes that Angela has
A: painted the licorice red - IT'S BLACK LICORICE!

P: Aaaaaaauuuuughhhhh!

A: Princess Angela grins and
A: *hugs*hugs*hugs*tickles*hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*tickles*hugs*hugs*hugs*
A: *hugs*cuddles*hugs*hugs*tickles*hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*tickles*hugs*hugs*
A: Pooky!
A: She says a magic spell and the licorice disappears.
A: She hands Pooky a brightly wrapped present. He shakes it to make sure it
A: isn't ticking - nope. He opens it - it's a teddy bear, made of real red
A: licorice!
A: Princess Angela *hugs* Pooky again. A nice slow warm fuzzy hug.
A: "I hope you have a real nice birthday, Pooky!"

t: tasia creeps back in to alt.cuddle for a brief moment...

t: er.. if you have any extra licorish.... I would be happy to um.... model it
t: for anone looking for additional cuddle slaves...

t: *waiting with a blush*kitty cuddles*

P: *crimson*blush* ...


[Pooky Bears in Birthday Suits ...]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
C - Sir CihaPet

P: Kay ... [Pooky Bear appears in his Birthday Suit ...]

P:            _     _
P:           (~) _ (~)
P:           / ^   ^ \
P:            (O) (O)  
P:              (~)    
P:           \  ._.  /
P: __.oooO_______________Oooo.__
P: >                           <
P: >                           <
P: >                           <
P: >                           <
P: >                           <
P: >                           <
P: >___________________________<
P:          .oooO Oooo.
P:          (   )_(   )
P:           \ (   ) /
P:            \_) (_/

P: [but feeling a little shy ...]

P: "Now ... I think I'll quickly hide before someone steals my towel ..."

C: I wouldn't do such a thing... But I think there are others afoot who would.

P: Bare bears in their Birthday Suits ...
P: [quickly scanning the horizon for Judy ...]

C: Are you hoping or worried Pooky?
C: *suspects the former opposed to the latter*

P: Ummm ... er ... *peeking out from behind the tree long enough to reply.
P: "The latter ... those black licorice whips ... Yeep!"

P: [quickly scanning the horizon again for Judy ...]

j: Right behind you, Pook. *pinch*

P: Yeep!
P: *blush*blush*blush*blush*blush*


[Pooky teasing ... and Pillow Fights ...]

P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
Y - Yvette (Yva)

Y: Stay away from that stuff, Pookster, it is doing weirder than usual
Y: things to your brain. :-)

P: [derived from The Legend of Pooky thread]
P: Beyer Aspirin

Y: Does this one mean you cure headaches? OR create them? *grin*

P: I always cure whatever ails you. : )

Y: Gee, sounds like a "pick up" line. Pooky, you flirt! :-)

P: *blush* ... well ... I ... *serious face* ... I didn't mean it _that_ way.

Y: I was just poking fun at you. I do enjoy that, you know.
Y: It is one of my newest hobbies.

P: Teasing Pookys? That's you newest hobby? *sigh* ... Judy, Jen, Laura, Kit,
P: I think you've just got another member of the group. *sigh* ...

Y: Yes but I'll leave the Cuddle bondage to them. I am not into Bondage of
Y: any kind, except in one very special situation. *Yva grins mischievously
Y: and blows a kiss to Sven*

Y: *teehee* How many of you can get the pooky meister to *blush* :-)

P: Oh no! ... Ack! ... *blush* ... *scampering*away*trying*to*find*a*safe*
P: *hidden*corner*where*no*one*will*find*him* ... *whimper*

Y: Pooky, Pooky, Pooky, I know you didn't mean it that way, I was teasing
Y: you, remember, my hobby? *hug*

P: "Pooky teasing", is this going to be a Cuddleland Olympics Sport or som'pin?
P: *sigh* ... *cuddle* ... *hug*hug*hug*smile*

Y: I will vote for that one, I think I can medal in it. :-)

P: Oh great. I think I'll be conspicuously abby-sent during the olympics. : )

Y: You can't you have to be the mascot. : )

P: *growl*nibble*nibble*nip*

P: If you want a pick-up line ... I'm sure I could think up a good one ... : )
P: *equally innocent look*

Y: After hearing the "History of Pooky" stories, I would not be the least bit
Y: surprized.

Y: Yva *dodging any incoming pillow attacks from the north* :-)

 _____ ___   ___  __  __ ____  _   _ _ _ _
|  ___/ _ \ / _ \|  \/  |  _ \| | | | | | |
| |_ | | | | | | | |\/| | |_) | |_| | | | |
|  _|| |_| | |_| | |  | |  __/|  _  |_|_|_|
|_|   \___/ \___/|_|  |_|_|   |_| |_(_|_|_)

P: Couldn't dodge that one ... could ya! : )

Y: No, but I will be prepared for the next ambush.

P: *preparing for the next round of attack ...*

Y: *Yva grabs a great big huge pillow full of soft feather and starts running
Y: after Pooky towards Cuddlepond* Slow down, you are running too fast, I
Y: can't keep up.

P: Oop! *Pooky slows down ... just slightly ... *giggle**
P: *He's had a lot of practice running in the past little while ... : ) *

Y: Yeah, I bet with all the cuddle bondage going on around here, with
Y: licorice whips and the like. The Pookster gets...disciplined *hehehe*.

Y: *finally she reaches him and hauls back with the pillow and
Y: wacks him over the head* A huge pillow fight erupts and Yva and Pooky
Y: both end up on the soft grass laughing.

___________            __  .__
\_   _____/___ _____ _/  |_|  |__   ___________ ___.__.
 |    __)/ __ \\__  \\   __\  |  \_/ __ \_  __ *   |  |
 |     \\  ___/ / __ \|  | |   Y  \  ___/|  | \/\___  |
 \___  / \___  *____  /__| |___|  /\___  *__|   / ____|
     \/      \/     \/          \/     \/       \/     
__________.__.__  .__                 
\______   \__|  | |  |   ______  _  __
 |     ___/  |  | |  |  /  _ \ \/ \/ /
 |    |   |  |  |_|  |_(  *_* )     / 
 |____|   |__|____/____/\____/ \/\_/  
  _________                          .__                 
 /   _____/ ____  __ __  ____   ____ |  |   ____   ______
 \_____  \ /    \|  |  \/ ___\ / ___\|  | _/ __ \ /  ___/
 /        \   |  \  |  / /_/  * /_/  *  |_\  ___/ \___ \ 
/_______  /___|  /____/\___  /\___  /|____/\___  *____  *
        \/     \/     /_____//_____/           \/     \/

P: My motto ... "Be prepared to Cuddle"

Y: I am always prepared to cuddle. *hugs*


[Feisty Cuddle Slaves Thread]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
J - Jen the Sexratary of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA

P: I know why I like you so much now ... *evil grin ...*

j: Whatchoo thinking Pooky, My Fine Slave?

P: I dunno ... *eyes head skyward ...*

j: You're so cute when you play innocent! *smooch*

P: Play? But Judy, I am innocent. *beaming*angelic*smile*
P: Whoop! Better get back to being michevious myself. : )

j: Are you being fiesty? Are you in need of huggle punishments?

P: Yes.

j: Oooo, Pooky, you bad boy. C'mere and take your punishment *huggle*snuggle*
j: *snuggle*huggle*cuddle*cuddle*nuzzle*huggle*cuddle*huggle*cuddle*snuggle*
j: *cuddle*nuzzle*huggle*huggle*cuddle*nuzzle*huggle*snuggle*snuggle*tickle*

P: More! I want to be punished more!

j: Or maybe the.... black licorice whips?!!!! *snuggle*

P: No ... *whimper* ... *tremble* ...

j: Ok, I'll be nice to you this time cuz yer so sweet. *hug*

P: Thank you m'love. *cuddle*cuddle*hug*hug*hug*

j: I occupy space therefore I am.

P: Gee ... that's really profound ... Hmmm ... does your space want to occupy
P: my space tonight?

j: There isn't an extra fee for double occupancy is there?

P: Nope. 'Tis only a single bed tho'.


[Ambush hugging Princess Judy by tempting her with Pooky in Black Licorice]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
A - Princess Angela
C - Comet the wonder Cat
T - Sir Thumper, KiTA
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA

A: Comet the Wonder Cat is lying in the middle of Neptune Lane, lying on his
A: back so that his tummy is exposed, so that it can get warmed by the sun.
A: He looks very, very cute.

C: "How long do I have to do this?" he asks a nearby bush.

A: "Just a few more minutes!" comes a reply.

C: He yawns and stretches. He watches the white, fluffy clouds drift by,
C: above his head.
C: That one ... looks like a horse.
C: And that one ... looks like a duck. Comet licks his chops.
C: Oh and _that_ one ... looks like an open can of tuna. Comet rolls over,
C: stands up, and runs up Neptune Lane to Princess Angela's Cuddle Castle
C: for lunch.

A: "Darn!" says the bush. "We'll have to try Plan B!"

T: Sir Thumper crawls out from a nearby bush, and lies on the lane, looking
T: at the clouds, and looking very, very cute.
T: He waits.
T: And waits.

A: "I can't resist!" Princess Angela emerges from a nearby bush and
A: *hugs*cuddles* Sir Thumper.

T: "I don't think this is going to work! Time for Plan C!"

A: Princess Angela places a brand new colouring book (_Colouring Arizona_) in
A: the middle of the lane.

T: Sir Thumper puts a brand new pack of 64 Crayola crayons on the book.

A: "Good idea!" *hug*

A: Sir Thumper and Princess Angela return to their bushes. And wait.
A: And wait.
A: And wait.

T: Sir Thumper pokes his head out and says, "Plan D?"

A: "Plan D!" Princess Angela agrees, and once more emerges from her hiding
A: place.

j: *Princess Judy continues her daily exercise routine [that's wandering
j: aimlessly in case you all forgot and thought I _really_ exercising
j: or something *shudder*]*
j: *when she hears the cry:*

A: She stands in the middle of Neptune Lane and shouts, "HEY! LOOKEE HERE!
A: I've got Pooky tied up here in black licorice and I don't know what to do
A: with him!

P: (aside) "Oh really?" *Pooky raises one eyebrow in a Spock like manner ...*

j: What?!?!?! Pooky all tied up and nowhere to go? *dirty laugh* Oh my
j: oh my! And Princess Angela doesn't know what to do with him?!??!!

P: (aside) Ah ... my loving cuddle mistress ... always there to rescue me ...

j: Has she forgotten her princessly lessons already?!?! Could this be?! Of
j: course, a Cuddle Slave does require his mistress' touch, so maybe Angela
j: just needs help. Yep, that's gotta be it. Hee hee!
j: *Princess Judy comes running in Princess Angela's direction*

A: And Kevin Costner is here too - OH MY! - he's only wearing a TOGA!

j: WOT???!!!!!!
j: *Pricess Judy slams on the brakes*
j: ***EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrr***
j: *And turns and begins running the other way*
j: Eek!! Run, run away!!!!

A: He's looking for a princess in BLACK LEATHER!

j: ARH!! Run faster run faster!!!!! Uh.... wait a minute, I'm not
j: wearing leather today I've got my rubber outfit on.... So I should
j: be safe... but, Kevin in a toga????
j: *Judy stops to ponder the situation*

A: CRAYOLA CRAYONS (with a sharpener!)

j: Crayons!!! They've got crayons too! *big smile* Uh... but Kevin *shudder*
j: but crayons! *happiness* In a toga... *shudder* Pooky... *bigger smile*
j: Kevin... *bad taste in mouth* in black licorice.... *evil grin* with
j: a sharpener yet! And a coloring book!!!! Pooky can rescue me from Kevin,
j: I know he can!!!!
j: *Princess Judy turns around again*
j: *and runs faster than fast towards Princess Angela and the crayons and
j: Pooky and the coloring book and hopes to avoid Kevin all together*

A: And I need fashion advice too! What does one wear a FEATHER BOA with?"

j: hee hee Silly Angela, once you have a feather boa on, there is no need
j: to wear anything further except some flashy earrings. My my! She has
j: been neglecting her princessly lessons.

A: She dives for the bush and just manages to hide herself in time.

A: Princess Judy comes running towards the colouring book and crayons,
A: carrying her video camera and ten blank videotapes, a tripod, a feather
A: boa, a gym bag with something leather sticking out of it, and says,
A: "HEY! Where's the party?"

A: "SURPRISE!" Sir Thumper and Princess Angela shout in unison, as they
A: jump out of the foliage.

j: EEK!
j: *Judy almost faints, mistaking Sir Thumper for Kevin Cosner [hey, it could
j: happen]*

A: Princess Judy, realizing that she's been duped, turns around and tries to
A: run away, but the feather boa gets tangled in her high heels.
A: Plus, 10,000 tickle bunnies happen to be blocking her way!
A: Sir Thumper and Princess Angela think.

j: *giving Princess Judy time to attempt to untangle herself from the feather
j: boa* Dang thing!!!! No black licorice trussed up slaves, no crayons,
j: no sharpener.... They were foolin' me!

A: And then they pounce on Princess Judy and *hug*hug*hug*hug*hug*hug* her!

j: OOooo hugs! hee hee Maybe this isn't so bad, after all Kevin isn't here.

A: And then they think. (In the meantime, the tickle-bunnies
A: *hug*tickle*tickle*hug*hug*tickle*tickle*hug*hug*hug* Princess Judy)

j: *hug*giggle*giggle*giggle*giggle*giggle*hug*giggle*giggle*hug*hug*hug*
j: hee hee

A: Princess Angela says, "what exactly is bouncing and flouncing anyways? I
A: never read Winnie the Pooh that much."

j: I've _never_ read Winnie, but I know that flouncing and bouncing is
j: something that seemed fun, so I tried it and it was!!!!!
j: *Flounce*
j: *Bounce*
j: *high heels, feather boas, video tapes and flashy earrings go flying*
j: See how fun it is!!!!

T: Sir Thumper says, "To bounce or to flounce - that is the question."

A: They look at each other and grin. They look at Princess Judy and grin.

A: "Who cares!?!" and they *hug*hug*hug* and *tickle*tickle*tickle*tickle*
A: and *cuddle*cuddle*cuddle*cuddle* Princess Judy.

T: Sir Thumper pulls out a scroll and reads, "Under the terms of the Cuddle
T: Treaty signed by Princess Angela and myself: you have been ambush hugged."

j: Oh goody!

A: Princess Angela says, "Princess J, we thought it was just so uncuddly of
A: you to go away on vacation, and leave poor Pooky all alone. We just
A: _had_ to do something about that."

j: Well, I'll be sure to take him with me next time. He's nicely house
j: broken and all, no reason for me to have to leave him at home. Except
j: for my husband won't let me go to Disney Land with strange men, so
j: Pooky, you're going to have to act normal for at least a little bit.
j: 'Kay? Ok!!!!

P: I'll try ... *giggle* ... *stern*look* ... Mmmph ... *serious*expression*
P: ... *laughing*unstoppably* ...

T: Sir Thumper adds, "yes - we had to do some extra *hugging* and *cuddling*
T: to make sure he was *hugged* and *cuddled*"

j: *Judy scoops up Thumper, Princess Angela and as many tickle bunnies as
j: she can and give them a BIG SQUOOSISHY HUG 'n CUDDLE*

A: Princess Angela says, "yeah - it was just _awful_!" She winks at Pooky's
A: monitor to make sure he understands that the experience was really far
A: from awful - more like wonderful! ;-)

j: Looky what I have.
j: *Princess Judy gives pop rocks to Princess Angela and Sir Thumper*
j: *She gives lots and lots of pop rocks to the tickle bunnies*
j: *soon the Land of Cuddle is filled with the sound of pop rocks popping*
j: Kewl eh?!!! But no crayons huh? Too bad.

T: Sir Thumper says, "so this is our little payback for the ambush hugging
T: that we had to do - an ambush hug, just for you!"

C: POP! Comet the Wonder Cat appears, and hops onto Princess Judy's lap.
C: He rubs his face against her chin and says, "I hope these two haven't
C: been too mean to you - here, I'll purr you a cuddle song ... purrrr ...
C: purrrrr .... purrrrrr ...."

A: And the tickle-bunnies giggle, in anticipation of the next ambush hugs ...


[Mysterious Silk Undies ...]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
J - Jen the Sexratary of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
K - Kit, the Miscevious Kitty Kat
S - Stu of the Flannelled Knickers
A - Ahaz
? - Unknown (not in newsreader anymore)

J: Wait!!!!! I think I know! *dramatic rising action music*
J: I'll bet the mysterious silk undies belong to the mother of Pooky's
J: quadruplets! I'll just bet. It could happen.

j: Aha! Then the butler must have done the dastardly crime! And you, Mr.
j: Smith, are guilty of blackmailing the rich but stupid Mrs. Yang. Yes,
j: of course! The butler was the only one with both motive and
j: opportunity...

K: Kit laughs so hard at this that she gets an ache in her side. She then
K: throws handfuls of popcorn at Pooky. With mischievous grin, she says
K: "MY undies aren't silk ... And you never told me you had quads, Pooky-bear!"

S: All I know is that it couldn't be mine cos mine are flannelled : )

j: Pooky, whatcha gonna name them?

j: Theodore - (Teddy Bear)
j: Thomas - (Tommy Bear)
j: Crystal - (Crystal Bear)
j: Catherine - (Bear Cat)

P: Mmmm ... popcorn ... natures most perfect food. : )
P: Well ... my undies are silk ... (sometimes) ... and KAMI is the Mommy Bear
P: of the *shiver* ... quadruplets ... : )

K: She then ticklehugs Pooky til he turns BRIGHT red and breathless !!

P: *gasp*pant*pant*wheeze* ... Breathlessly ...

j: Gee, Pooky, does Kit even wear undies? *innocent look*
j: *Pooky turns even more bright red and even more breathless*

P: *crimson*blush* ... Ummm, I wouldn't know anything about that. I think that
P: me intimately knowing about something like that might even make Kit's
P: unicorn blush profusely. : )
P: *equally innocent look*

j: hee hee
j: Your Cuddle Mistress sans undies,

P: Oh my lovely deliciously evil cuddle Mistress ... c'mere ...
P: Wanna snuggle with me at my place tonight?
P: Always mischevious and incorrigible ...

A: [Talking about threads being mixed up at his site ...]
A: There's another one: all this intresting stuff about SILK UNDIES
A: and the thread at my site goes: --( )--( )--( )--[1]

j: Never fear!!!! Jen and I are here!
j: *everyone begins quaking and cowering*
j: Now, now! None of that.

j: Ahaz, this is your lucky day!
j: Jen and I will be more than happy to have you model a wide variety of silk
j: undies for us. If you insist, we might even truss you up with black
j: licorice and tickle you with our feather boas. (Hmmm... I know cuddle
j: slaves are effected by black licorice but what about the rest of the
j: population?).

P: You mean? You mean?!? I get to take a break from being your Cuddle Slave?
P: No black licorice tonight?

j: So Ahaz, hop to it! Get to modeling! How about that nice lacy pair first?
j: eager to please

P: Tee hee ... he doesn't know what he's in for! : )
P: Until later ... disappearing in the noon-day sun ...


[Poor Cuddleslaves thread]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
W - The Wandering Minstrel

W: Disgusting?? You should see what Princess Judy gets up to with that poor
W: Cuddle Slave of hers - what with him expecting quadruplets and everything.
W: I mean I'd feel sorry for the poor guy if only he didn't enjoy it so much.

P: Now what are you insinuating here ???
P: *Pooky taps his foot sternly waiting for an answer ...*

j: See, Pooky, I knew you were going to get into trouble with that video camera
j: of yours..... apparently the Wandering Minstrel quit wandering long enough
j: to catch a show or two *blush*

P: Judy! ... Oh ... well ... I ... *blush* ... *whimper* ...

W: But you _are_ expecting quadruplets, aren't you? You don't mean to tell us
W: it was a false alarm all along, do you?? ; )
W: *Hugs Pooky 'cos being a Cuddle Slave _and_ an expectant father must be
W: awfully hard work*

P: I can just see me in the waiting room now ...
P: *Hands trembling ... holding a coffee cup - filled with cold coffee*
P: *shaking ... shivering*
P: *getting back up ... pacing the length of the hallway*
P: *agonizing over every single seconds as it feels like a year ...*
P: Yep ... that'll be me. : ) Pace, Pace, Pace ...


[Rousing Heaven thread]

P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
K - Kit, the Miscevious Kitty Kat
S - Steve Kramer - Answermaniac!
L - Princess Laura (Ljs)

K:   /\_/\                      |
K:  ( o o )   :-) Kit           |   "If I cannot rouse heaven
K:  ==_Y_==                     |    Then I shall raise Hell"
K:    `-'  (Kimberley Karstoff) |         -- Virgil

K: *mischievous grin* the quote fits me sooo well, that it's been my fave .sig
K: for almost a whole month now *chuckles*... just ask Pooky how well it fits!

S: *raises eyebrow*

P: Oh-toh ... I can sense trouble ...

S: What would Judy and Jen think....tsk tsk.

P: Yeep. That's it ... I'm in trouble. :(

S: "And where he did go, Trouble did follow..."
S: - corruption of some famous quote or line from somewhere...
S: So how does "it" 'fit'?

P: *medic* ... *blush*
P: *Yeep*

P: F
P:     a
P:       i
P:        n
P:         t
P:          !

S: *grin* There aren't enough anti-blush medications to save you, my friend..
S: : ) look like a sunburn victim! (at least in shade of skin tone..; ) : )

L: Okay, a.c princesses.... black licorice whips to the ready....

S: Pooky? (turns to Pooky, grins) You wanna take this one? I'm afraid to touch
S: it. (very afraid. ; )

P: Huh? Whuzzat? Oh-toh ... [Pooky looks around for a dark corner to hide in]

P: ... As for the part about "If I can not rouse
P: heaven then I shall raise hell" part ... *cuddle* ... Ohhh ... *giggle*, I
P: would definately have to say that that is very true of Kit. : ) So, Kit ...
P: I'll find the time again sometime soon to visit you, and we can go out and
P: "raise some hell" together.

P: Now Kit ... *purrr* ... why are you getting me into trouble here? O: )

S: yes yes, try and cover your tracks up. Missed a few. (hands them to you
S: with a charming smile)

P: Tanx! Now I can finish off my train set ... : )

S: Me thinks it's going to be getting warmer in Ontario soon...

P: In about March ...
P: [as Pooky tries to dig himself out of this mess]
P: [Zzzzing! quick context switch ...]

S: cool! Animaniacs is on!! : ) (signs off of here) 8)

P: What? Now? Damn ... where's that record button on my VCR ...

S: *heh heh heh* ;^D (hands you a remote, bud.)

P: D-oh! Remotes! I forgot about those! ; )
P: *CLICK* ... Garage flips ...

P: Still running ...

S: For your life? : )

P: No comment.
P: MMmmmah! Goodnight Everybody.


[The legend of Pooky ...]

t - tasia, Cuddleland's Cuddly Kitten
Y - Yvette
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
T - Sir Thumper, KiTA
A - (Ali) Ms A.M. Buswell
C - Sir Ciha Pet
S - Steve "Ansermaniac" Kramer

A: Hello all!
A: I'm a little confused as to what a Pooky is?

P: Me! Me! Me! *says Pooky jumping up and down merrily, waving his arms ...*

A: You see,I have one at home. She's really sweet! She's a little maltese cross
A: minature french poodle - so she's black with white paws. Her fur is long and
A: hangs in ringlets. Her real name is Bella but we all call her Pooky. Usually
A: she's very friendly, but she's not that fond of men! And off course she's
A: VERY spoiled!

P: Give Pooky/Bella a *BIG*CUDDLY*HUG* from me ... even though I am a guy. : )

t: I also have a Pooky, but mine was named after the original.

P: *blush* ... *cuddle*tasia*for*hours*just*'cause*she's*so*sweet* ...

t: Pooky is a
t: bear made of Wallabie fur, he sits atop my computer and watches me along
t: with Merriweather Glenn, the rabbit fur bear, and my sleepy green dragon
t: Snozzzzzzz, who is ceramic and not as cuddlie. My other bear is Itzie,
t: who at one time was a mink collar on a coat. Itzie travels with me at all
t: times, so I can always get a cuddle when I need one.

t: Boy did I drift there..
t: I think I'll let Pooky himself answer.. Just what is a Pooky?

P: *giggle* ... well ... Pooky is my nickname, and has been for ... oh about
P: 6 years now (or so).

T: Sir Thumper pulls up a log to listen to The Legend of Pooky...

The Legend of Pooky ... *smile* ...

Well, I sign everything "Robert P. Beyer", and no, the "P." doesn't really
stand for "Pooky", it's actually Patrick. So, Robert Patrick Beyer ...

Well, I've had TONS of nicknames in my life, but here are some of the best,
(and worst), so anywho ...

Pooky Bear
Teddy Bear
Theodore Pooky Bear
Grizzly Bear
Polar Bear
Beyer Aspirin
Rubber Bear

[The last nickname generated an entirely new, quite interesting thread ...]
[... but we won't talk about that one ok? ... *sigh*]

Well, just so that everyone knows too, I'll give you all the real story
about my "Pooky" nickname ... since it's due to my middle name ...

It was a dark, and beer filled evening ... when my friends and I were all gathered in our favorite campus bar, so aptly named "The Bombshelter" Twas towards the sorrowing end of an incredibly perfect time, filled with revelry, dancing, women, comeraderie, and alcohol. I now was paying for my expensive portion of this wonderful evening using that magic piece of plastic, * V I S A ! * which through some miracle manages to give me instant money! Well, I have a habit of signing my name as "Robert P. Beyer". So, anywho, because of this habit, I always get the question: "What does the 'P' stand for"? Well, I was fumbling with the pen, and the reaction time of my brain, in being able to move my jaw muscles, to be able to utter the word "Patrick", was being severly hampered by the sheer amount of alcohol in my system that night. So, my incredibly quick thinking friend Brad "nothing in moderation" Siim, shouted out "Pooky". Needless to say it immediately got a rousing cheer from everyone, and I was now blessed with such a descriptive nickname. Now of course you all do realize that my last name (Beyer) is pronouced as "Bear", so it's easy to see where the name "Pooky Bear" came from. No? Well "Pooky" is the name of Garfield's (yes, the comic strip character's) stuffed Teddy Bear. Well, my girlfriends have always called me "a big cuddly Teddy Bear" so, becoming "Pooky" was only a matter of time. Since then it has been quite customary to refer to me as "Pooky" at any time. Having "Pooky" shouted out across a bar, and this football player sized person responding is just one of those things you'll have to see in order to believe.

P: I hope you enjoyed this little explaination ...

T: Sir Thumper nods his head up and down repeatedly!!
T: (Gives Pooky a cupcake and a mug of his favorite beverage)

C:That's the second time I've seen that explanation. And I still think it
C: is so kewl.

Y: Beyer Aspirin
Y: Does this one mean you cure headaches? OR create them? *grin*

P: I always cure whatever ails you. : )

Y: Gee, sounds like a "pick up" line. Pooky, you flirt! :-)

P: *blush* ... well ... I ... *serious face* ... I didn't mean it _that_ way.

C: Rubber Bear? I want the explanation on THIS one... : )

S: (Comments ...) Pooky ... the Safe Sex Bear

P: Well, I did write "worst" didn't I? Think of it like this ... someone (she)
P: who is a little inebriated walking down the halls at University one night
P: after having too good a time while I had to stay back not go along and work
P: (of course O: ), walked into my room, where we were all working, and said in
P: a slurred speech is "Rubber Bear" here? (Robert -* Rubber).

P: Use your imagination to picture the sheer hilarity of the situation which
P: followed. *sigh* ... To this day, (the few people who know), don't let me
P: live that one down. : ) I was the proud recipient of a few "rubber" shens
P: then for a little while.

P: *giggle* ... Nicknames somehow are attracted to me ...

Y: ROTFL dear Pooky, you certainly have a way of livening things up around
Y: here. This story is a scream. I love it. Of course my imagination works
Y: overtime sometimes.

Y: Great story!! Got anymore??

P: Ummm ... yes ... but ... I think I'll let them *leak* out slowly, some are
P: still rather embarassing ... *crimson*and*cinnamon*blush* ...

P: Just at this past Oktoberfest (in Waterloo, home of Oktoberfest, outside
P: of Munich Germany), my loving friends abused me again. They took my hair,
P: and pulled it to the sides, tying ponytails (a.k.a. Pippi Longstocking) on
P: both sides. (No pictures though - luckily : ) But then, of course ... Pooky,
P: became "Pippi". : ) The rest ... is happily now history. : )

Y: I'll bet, Pippi, that is too cute. Hey how many of you want to start
Y: calling you Pooky Longstocking? I feel especially mischievous today. :-)

P: Hmmm ... it _seems_ like my life is very C2H5OH prone ...

P: "Drunk on the lawn, of a nuclear dawn ...
P: my senses finally blurred." -- Moxy Fruvous, "The Drinking Song"

P: "Robert Beyer" -(mixing up the letters becomes)- "To err by Beer"
P: As my friends know ... I'm always ready for another mistake! : )

Y: Stay away from that stuff, Pookster, it is doing weirder than usual
Y: things to your brain. :-)
Y: Yva *dodging any incoming pillow attacks from the north* :-)


[Who's to blame for cuddle bondage ???]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
J - Jen the Sexratary of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA

(Judy "Pure and innocent as the driven snow" Palmer)
(Jen "Licorice, Leather and Clam Dip" Heneberry)
(Robert "Black Licorice Whips" Beyer)

J: See j.?? He really is evil. I guess you corrupted him big time. :*

j: Nope! NOPE! NO WAY!!!! Its the other way around. I was a sweet, innocent,
j: young thing who wore bows in my hair and flowered dresses (ankle length with
j: high collars!) and nary an impure thought in my mind until I met Pooky.

P: Don't blame me? Why are you blaming me? I'm still innocent. *sniff* I may be
P: a little less naive now m'dear ... but I'm still innocent. O: )

j: Before I met him, my worse crime was... *sob* parking in the 15 minute
j: loading zone for *sniffle* 16 and _a_half_ minutes!!!! Now, look at me!
j: I share a body covered in bruises, bitemarks, scratches, licorice whip marks,
j: clam dip, and NO UNDIES with two degenerates, I fraternize with a someone
j: who is into servitude and who is in a family way WITH NARY A WEDDING
j: IMPURE THOUGHTS....AND ... you know, ...
j: I wouldn't change this for the world....

P: Darling ... *opens arms wide to hold Judy for hours ...*

j: Evil is as evil does,

P: Wanna be evil together?
P: As ever in servitude ... Your Pooky.


[The infamous Pooky Costuming of Stu ...]

j - Princess Judy, President of Vice
P - Pooky, the Assistant to the President of Vice, and KiTA
S - Stu of the Flannelled Knickers

P: *Pooky quickly kidnaps Stu, and puts a spare Pooky Bear suit on him, so
P: that Judy might mistake him for me.*
P: *Then he scampers off into the shadows normally reserved for Stu*

S: Stu, not knowing what the hell happened to him stands there dumbfounded.

j: *Princess Judy, AKA The Cuddle Mistress, is completing her daily aimless
j: wander, when she happens across..... *
j: STU! What in the world are you doing dressed in that Pooky Bear suit?!

S: "Ummmmm" Stu stutters, "Errrrrrrrrr"
S: Did I ask for this, Stu wonders as Judy stands there trying to keep a
S: straight face (Judy, I'm afraid you failed in that respect)
S: Stu tries to move but Pooky had glued his feet to the spot .... *Whimper*

P: *ROTFL!* ... Oh, and Jen & Judy ... no more with the Super Glue and Sticky
P: Cuddles kay? I had a heck of a time getting the sticky stuff
P: out of my fur. : ) *innocent look*

j: Surely you're not going to give up the flanneled knickers bit are you?
j: I mean, they are _so_ you.

S: "ME!" Stu exclaimed "Me give up my flannelled knickers ... Never ... it
S: was all Sir Pookys fau...."

P: Oh yeah ... blame me ... the one who was being miscevi... oop! I didn't say
P: that. Nope, you never heard me. I wasn't even here. ZZZZzzzziip!

j: Hmmmm..... or does this mean you want to be a Cuddle Slave too?

S: "Ummmmm, it's quite ok" Stu said hastily, "I am very happy just being an
S: observer for cuddleland ... see," tries to rummage around in his pockets,
S: but the bear suit is in the way, "weell, I have an observers badge around
S: here somewhere ... honest"

j: Well, I already have one Cuddle Slave, and it was a bear of a time getting
j: him housebroken and all.... hee hee, and I only
j: have a limited supply of black licorice, I do have more on back order
j: though, but you know how it goes sometimes...

S: Stu, being new at this observer stuff, was not quite too sure about how
S: having a shortage of black licorice could be a problem

j: Well, I don't really think I could use another Cuddle Slave at this point.

S: Stu struggles to move and get out of the suit ... *Help*

j: Maybe you could check with Jen? I must be off. Ta ta!

j: Say, you haven't seen Pooky have you?

P: Oh oh. Ummm ... yeep. Where have all the shadows gone? Stu! How could you
P: do this to me?

j: I think he is in need of some discipline.
j: Leather hugs,

S: Stu hugs back tightly, but still remains unstuck ...
S: He watches as Princess Judy wanders away, whip* in hand, searching for her
S: notorious cuddleslave. *Whimper*

P: *[_Red_ Licorice whip for all who didn't know ...]

P: Oh Jen?!? : )
P: Oh Jen!!! : ) : )
P: Stu's still stuck in the Pooky Bear suit!
P: Jen! Where are those Sticky Cuddles? *snicker*


[Redbear and Quiet Newbies ...]

[A newbie (Lee) posted a completely empty posting]

While some people may surmise that Lee erred with his computer, Redbear can see that he performed a valuable service: Lee gave us an exhaustive enumeration and comprehensive description of good reasons to *avoid* cuddling. Leaving no stone unturned, Lee has catalogued all the disadvantages of snuggling, all the drawbacks of nuzzling, and all the negatives of hugging. Good work, Lee!


[Redbear, on being curmudgeony ...]

*Blech! Sorry, but is there a FAQ to this group? As a grouchy,
*curmudgeony-type person, I can't figure out the purpose of
*sending all these computery hugs everywhere! Please don't
*flame me...

Redbear's a curmudgeon too! People like us are important in CuddleLand because we are highly skilled at detecting (I hate to say it but I'm afraid I have to) the


Sad but true, some people, generally hug-deprived in childhood, never learned the warm, heartfelt cuddle that we know, but instead were taught that to hug is to simply place one's arms around another person.

The value of curmudgeons is that we instinctively react to fake cuddle. Here are some examples:

        Event             Curmudgeon's Natural Response
   ---------------        -----------------------------
   *empty-snuggle*                *grrmpth*
   *fake-hug*                     *hmmpf*
   *faux-cuddle*                  *dnnnqhh*

(To see a curmudgeon in action, just place him/her in front of a TV set and tune in to just about any kind of love story. Those actors, only playing parts, will be detected every time.)

So what happens next? Having identified the poor people who don't know what they're missing, we begin *intensive.therapy*. We work with them gently when possible, vigorously when necessary, until they can scream


and mean every pixel of it. Then the curmudgeon's work is done.


Compilted by Robert P. "Pooky" Beyer

Please see the copyright notice.

Last modified: November 05, 1998 by Locksley