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Pooky's Famous Lurker and Newbie attacks ...


Sir Pooky is Robert P. Beyer [was: Beyer@Waterloo.HP.Com]


*Hi, I am a lurker here on alt.cuddle,

"AH hah!"

*Lurker Alert**Lurker Alert*
*Pooky reaches up and shuts off that annoying siren*
*decides to pay a sneak visit on you ...*
*Searches on a map for where you are ...*
*Let's see now ...*
*Ah! There it is ... gee, that's not too far away*
*Pooky the shy little teddy bear fumbles around in his pockets for*
*a UPS same day courier envelope*
*opens up the envelope*
*climbs in*
*writes your address on the front*
*seals the envelope*
*waits for the UPS truck*
*gets picked up*
*rumbles his way down to you, and arrives on your desk*
*You look at the envelope, seeing no return address opens it ...*



*Pooky stops cuddling you in order to let you catch your breath*


*Pooky pulls out his fuzzy sword and starts tickling ...*


*shy little teddy bear stops his tickling*
*looks slowly up at you ...*
*big smile*


"I've got to get back to work right now, but I hope I can visit with you again sometime".

*Pooky shyly wriggles his toe on the floor*
*decides that he's feeling too shy*
*climbs back into the envelope*
*gets out a "Return to Sender" sticker, and writes his return address on*
*Pulls on the "Insta-Seal" tap, and re-seals the envelope*
*waits for the UPS truck to pick him up again - same day delivery :) *


*And Pooky lands back on his table at work*
*Misses cuddling already*


Another Newbie Cuddle attack ...

*Musters up his courage, and steps forward boldly ...*
*Pooky reaches into his back pocket and pulls out ...*
*his trusty skateboard!*
*he finds a very big hill*
[I know, I know ... it's impossible in Waterloo, but bear with me]
*climbs up to the top*
*jumps on the skateboard and ...*
10 kph.
25 kph.
80 kph.
160 kph.
590 kph.
1560 kph.
27365 kph.
"We're approaching the speed to light captain"
"I don't believe the board can take any more ..."
"Steady as she goes ... steady ... steady ..."

*As Pooky whips down the highways*
*flying across any unpassable obstacle*
*reaching his destination in the blink of a cat's eye*
*screeches to a halt*
*Pooky looks around, and tries to find you*
*You leap out, and *cuddle* Pooky*
*Pooky, now put on the spot since you saw him coming ...*
*quickly reaches into his vest pocket and ...*
*pulls out a red rose* (for the ladies)
*pulls out a chocolate cake* (for everyone else)
*hands it carefully over to you*
*Pooky bows deeply*
"For you my friend."
*Pooky stretches out his hand towards you*
*reaches out with both arms*
*and gives you an all-encompassing-teddy-bear-hug*


*as as quickly as he arrived, Pooky spins around*
*before you can say a word*
*pulls out his trusty pocket tape recorder ...*
*presses [STOP]*
*then presses [REWIND]*
*and in about 45 seconds ...*
*he rewinds himself back to Waterloo and back to *sigh* work*

"I gotta get myself a CD player. *sigh*"


Dorothy sneaks quietly through the cuddle forest, creeping from tree to tree. She wants to get a closer look at Cuddleland after having lurked at its borders for some time now. She peeks out across a meadow full of flowers and sees someone making daisy chains. Looking farther along, she sees a family of ducks playing in a pond. Out toward a castle she sees crew of workers armed with... mops? Hmmm, now what could that be for? She ducks behind a tree just in time to avoid the of a snowball hitting the tree she is hiding behind. Slowly and oh, so carefully she puts her plates on the forest floor, strewn with evergreen needles. Next she pushes them gently out from behind the tree. Surely someone will smell the cookies that she has just finished baking at such a late hour. She can smell the sugar on the playful little breezes. The warm cuddly aroma of snickerdoodles and peanutbutter cookies with mini reeses peanut butter cups in the middles floats away from her. She sits back with a smile on her face and waits for the denizens of Cuddleland to emerge.

*sniff*sniff* ... *watering*mouth* ...

*sniiifffffffffff!!!!* ... *drool* ... *licks*lips* ...

"Mmmmmmmm!" :9 "Peanut butter cookies ..."

[Pooky wanders in a meandering line, as if in a trance ... almost floating on the little air currents which are carrying the wonderful scent of peanut butter cookies ... He picks up the trail ... and begins following the scent to the source ... it's always getting stronger!!!]

           ,---.                                      COOKIES!!
       ,-. :   :    .-----.                               | 
       : `-'   ;   ,'     `-----.   zzzzZZZZZIPPP!
---.   :     ,'    :             `---- -- ----- -- ==P    O
    `--'     :    ,'                                 |
             `---'                                 POOKY!

[Pooky can now see the goal in sight!]

"Mmmm.", as he licks his lips, "Who left these cookies out here?"

[Pooky sees some movement from beside the cookies ...]

"A NEWBIE!!!!!"

[Pooky lines himself up, and takes careful aim ...]





*ahem* ... *grins*hungrily* ...

"Can I have a cookie now ... please?"

-- cuddled, nuzzled, and scribbled ...

Major theater bum......Auditioned for "Hello Dolly" for the roles of Dolly or Irene Molloy. Last night I went to callback auditions and they did not have me audition for Dolly, even though many who were there for auditions themselves thought I was already in the role. :(

*sigh* ... *tender*caring*cuddles* ...

I'm majored bummed...The theater company is in my town 1/2mi away, but since I've been there, they have not cast a person of color in a principle role.

Hmmm ... sounds definately uncuddly to me.


I have done roles and leads with other companies in the area, with good reviews, so it's not a questions of talent.

Major hugs needed.....

Righteo! I gots the order! :)

Major hugs? ... *smile* ... Like _how_ major are we talking here?

*hug* <- this size? ... nahh ...

*HUG* <- this size? ... nope? still not right?

* H U G * <- this size? ... not major enough yet?

    _   _ _   _  ___
_/\| |_| | | | |/ __|/\_
>  <_ | |_| | (_>  <<- is this one right? *sigh* ... \/|_| |_|\___/
\___|\/ dmp dmp dmp dmp .ammmmp dmp dmp dmp dmp dmp" dmmmmmp dmp
dmp dmp mmp" <- we must be getting close ... :) dmp dmp dmp dmp
dmp dmp dmp dmp vmmmp" vmmmp" 
*arrgh*ooof* ... *crash* ...
Whew ... *pant*pant*pant* ... We had to call out the big major hugs for this
one! :) Meet MAJOR GENERAL HUG! *giggle*


[Everyone in alt.cuddle comes together in a massive group hug around Carolyn]


"Experience is a wonderfull thing... It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again"

So very true ... sometimes I wish I'd listen to the past ... ah well ...



Used with permission of the author, Robert P. "Pooky" Beyer

Please see the copyright notice.

Last modified: November 05, 1998 by Locksley