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Sweet Sara's CuddleLand Diary

The following texts appear as they were posted to alt.cuddle.

Part 1

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

There havenīt been many cuddly posts lately. Not said they arenīt out
there somewhere, it just takes a bit longer for them to arrive to my
home. Still it has been a kind of busy day, behind the scenes of

Awhile back Faolan and I decided to become partners in a grass-hut bar
which ended up being named "The Love Shack". We are almost ready to
the grand opening now, but only almost. Locksleyīs elves has been a
real pain in the a************ even we have been offering plenty of
Pizza to them. I donīt know whet it is about those elves. Sometimes
they are quite easy to control and at other times it is like being in
a kindergarten with more than 50 RL kids and you are all alone. I
think they have some secret powers Locksley havenīt told us about,
since they one moment are very easy to control and the next are all
over the place. How do you teach such thingies a bit of dicipline??? I
wonder if theyīre ever going to produce some decent tunes when playing
in "The Love Shack band"- Are they able to follow the rythm, do they
know how to read the notes, do they at all know how to play an

You might think that Iīm not very fond of the small creatures.
Honestly I am, but Iīm just a bit more than ordinarily tired right now
and my foot still hurt once in awhile. Funny, because it was the other
foot I hurt while walking in the mountains somewhere in the southern
part of England.

Anyway back to the grass-hut bar. As said before Faolan and me are
almost ready. I think the only thing we need to do, is to make the
last clarifications with Sir Richard, KITA (Bartender), Sweet Galahad
(Also a bartender and all-around good guy, dish-washer etc), Ana (
Serving drinks), Locksley (Bouncer) and Jelliebun (Also a bouncer and
hopefully caterer) I hope I havenīt forgot anyone here. If so, they
will probably speak up for themselves. There are still plenty of jobs
to do.

Sweet Sara

Part 2

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

I forgot to mention yesterday when I wrote about Locksleyīs elves,
that no only is it very hard to control them but now they have also
disappeared out to somewhere else with the snow trans.... making
thingie. It was working so well, but now itīs only raining, raining
and raining.

Yesterday someone wrote in a post that we all should raise the level
of cuddly posts, to hopefully knock out all the spam. Somehow I think
itīs working. At least I see a lot of follow ups to all kinds of funny
and somewhat crazy posts. Wonder when Iīm going to actually read the
originals. Not much fun reading what looks like something cuddly and
then just get the half of it.

Hmmm what else is there to write about today??? Oh yes sometimes I
wonder how people came across Cuddleland the first time? I donīt even
remember how I found it. To me it feels like I have been here for
ages, but I havenīt. I have just not been able to find the EXCIT sign.
Wonder if there is any?? Not that Iīm ever planning to leave this
place, well not until Iīm carried away or end up in a straight jacket
because the threads becomes a little too crazy  or someone mix
up their identity or me doing the same.
Hence I donīt even remember what life was before AC.

I better go back to the work about figuring out new things to keep up
a high level of cuddly noice. What questions could you ask people out
there??????? Ohh yes, now I know but I wont write it here. They will
come in another thread, threads or whatever I feel like. 

Just been on just another travel into Cuddleland and it looks like I
have to do something very fast, because today there have only been 4
cuddly posts out of about 50. I hope all these uncuddly posts have
died when all the very cuddly posts that I know everybody is posting
reach my server.

Sweet Sara

Part 3

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

This will be from Dino and Brownie. Over and over again they claim,
that they somehow feel left out of Cuddleland. Wonder why? because all
I really can do is to take them with me when I go there and then let
them act on their own. I canīt always be responsible for them. I
presented Dino for Vido and all the other more or less RL
dogs'n'puppies and Brownie I left somewhere so that he could help
Jelliebun. You know bunnie to bunnie. I just donīt understand why they
keep complaining. 
Brownie is in heaven. He loves pies, cookies, chocolate etc. even he
is a RL bunnie and should be eating food much more suitable for a RL
And Dino?? Iīve completely lost track of her since she ran off with
Vido. I know he has returned home, but she hasnīt.

(Excuse me for yelling here)

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiinooooooooooooooo. ITīS TIME TO GET HOMEEEEEEEE

(From a far out distance Sweet Sara hear something)

Woof, WoofWoofWoof Woof

"Ok, she claims that she has found another puppie to play with"

Anyway to go on with another subject. I upgraded my newsreader
yesterday and had to reinstall the whole list of newsgroups and
download all the old postings and of course a couple of new ones too.
I have never laughed so much (what a bunch of happy memories) and was
even tempted to answer a couple of my own posts, but nahhhhhh I think
it would make my own and everybody elseīs confustication even bigger.
I could end up doing nothing but replying to myself instead of
sneaking in on and pouncing newbies, teasing and flirting with a
certain squire and what else I normally do around here.

Ohhh yes, I almost forgot. I bought some new slippers yesterday. And
they are very, very bear like. So now I can walk around with the bears
all day. It makes things so much warmer, because there isnīt anything
like a big bear hug. I just hope Dino wont see them too soon. She made
it a habbit to hunt my feet around everywhere I went and I tell ya it
is very difficult to go anywhere with a dog hanging on to your feet.

Sweet Sara

Part 4

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

Ohh what a wonderful morning it was today.Looks like my serve finally
have given up in depriving me from posts from Cuddleland. This morning
it blurbed over 300 posts out to me and less than 10 of them was
boring spam and crosspostings. So it looks like the strategy with
posting lots and lots of cuddly posts starts to work. 
Anyway I have never laughed so much. Nearly got a cramp from it, but
can survive it, because of all the wonderful posts.

Iīm so excited at the moment, because it looks like a very special
event is going to happen right here in Cuddleland. I think I know what
it is and Iīm really looking forward to it, because if it is what I
think it is, those people have truely and honestly deserved it.

(Hmmm why does it look like I have already written that in another

Ok I have written it before, but I donīt care, because it is true.

Better go now and make my final preperations for the big event to

Sweet Sara

Part 5

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

This time itīs a thingie I so shamelessly have borrowed from another

Read and enjoy;-)

The Male Guide to Selecting an Outfit

----------      -----------              -------------------
| Are there| No | Are there    | "What's a   | Are there clothes | No |  Buy  |
|clothes in|---> |clothes in     |  hamper?"  | strewn in random |---> |  more |
| dresser? |      |the hamper?|----------->     |piles on the floor?  |     |clothes|
----------      -----------              -------------------   ------
| Yes            | Yes                                      | Yes
| Take whatever |
|   is on top   |
 ---------------           ------------------------
     |                    |                        |
     V                    V                        |
 --------  No         ---------               -----------
|   Is      |---------->    | Perform | "Ohmigosh"  |  Spray    |
|   it       | Not sure  |  smell    |------------>       |   with    |
| clean? |---------->    |  test      |                     | deodorant |
 --------             ---------               -----------
| Yes                     | "Not bad"
--------------                    ---------              -------------
|For underwear: | "Which ones are  |Will they | "I may get   |Place item on|
|Are there many|   for my legs?"     |   be        |  arrested."   | dirty pile; |
|    holes?         |----------------->       | visible?    |------------->    | start over  |
--------------                    ---------              -------------
| No                                             | No
---------        ------------      -----------------------------------
|  Is it       | Yes  |   Do you    | Yes  |But would you rather have a tick on|
|wrinkled?|----->   |really care?|----->  |  your eyeball than iron a shirt?  |
---------        ------------      -----------------------------------
| No                   | No                           | Yes
     +----------- ------------------------------------
 --------  Kinda             -------       ---------
|  Does   |----------------->       | Is it   | No  | Seek the|
|   it        | "Does it what?"  |  dark |----> |advice of|
| match? |----------------->      |  out? |       | a female|
 --------                    -------       ---------
| Yes                                | Yes
|  Put on  |
| clothes! |

Sweet Sara

Part 6

Dear Cuddleland Diary:

Yet another very quiet day here in Cuddleland. This is only my post #4. and
that feels a little low when I look at the results from the other days. 


This should help you explain the empty stockings...

10. The Department of Justice charged him with monopolistic practices.
  9. Rudolph just spent 36 straight hours logged on to AOL's
      Flirt's Nook under the handle "BigRed."
  8. He's upgrading to 32-bit gifts.
  7. This year, you have to download your gifts via ftp from the
      virtual gift library.
  6. He's too absorbed by Bill Gates's new book, "The Road Ahead,"
      to leave home.
  5. He won't budge until he gets Copland on his Power Mac.
  4. The sleigh isn't Plug and Play-compatible.
  3. He put together the Microsoft/Rolling Stones "Start Me Up"
      deal and retired on the proceeds.
  2. He's busy converting old Digital Dispatches into HTML.
  1. New name: Santa 96.

Sweet Sara
(Who still believes in Santa)

Part 7

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

A real bummer day today. First the newsserver reject me and when it
finally let me in there isnīt a single new message except the one I
forwarded for Dreamer. 

                 ( --- )
                ( /m m\ )
              ___(  =  )___
            .'----`\ /'----`.
           //' .-'': ;``-. `\\
          //  /     Y     \  \\
         //  /     (|)     \  \\
        //  :   .-' | `-.   ;  \\
       //    `.__.-'^`-.__.'    \\
       ^. .^.^/           \^.^. .^  
         ^   /             \   ^   
            /               \  
   jgs   _.'                 `._
        '._                   _.'
           `--..___   ___..--'
          {\ \            
         { ~\ \   _______
        {*   \ \ <:<:<:>:>   
       { ~ *  \ \(((//^^\      
      {*     ~ \((((/ e e    
      {  * ~  * |))))c u )    
      {*    *   ////'_/~`       
       {~ *    (((( `.`\           
       `{.~   ~ )))`\ \))_.-. 
         `{  ~ *(() `\_.-'``         
           `{.__.* `-*.
              .*   ~  *.
            .*.  *   ~ *.
           .*    .    . *.
          .*  ~     *    *.
         .*      *     ~  *.
  jgs  .*    ~      .     *.
     .*   *   .  ~   *  ~ *.
    ..*  ~     *     ~     *.
   ~~* ~~* ~~* ~~* ~~* ~~*

For Christmas and in memory of Princess Ana, CuddleAngel until she
comes back.

Sweet Sara
(Who wonders where everybody is)

Part 8

Dear Cuddleland Diary,

I have this dream/fantasy that keep following me every time I enter
Cuddleland to be a part of a new adventure. But before I start doing
whatever I do, I always take a walk round. And I want to take you all
with me this time.

In my head it's a wonderful sunny day. A few fluffy clouds on the sky,
but nothing to worry about. Today I start in the meadow right infront
of the castle. It looks really beautiful today with the sun standing
on the sky right behind the countdown clock tower. When the sun stands
like this, the colors are more beautiful, brighter and more clear than

In one of the windows I can see Princess TuggyBear. I know she is busy
preparing the next part of the coronation where we'll get yet another
princess and knight, so instead of dropping by I just waves up to her.

(Sweet Sara waves to PTB)

From the basement I hear some very starnge sounds. Like something is
just about to blow off, and the next second I see 50 unidentified
screaming creatures running away like they were haunted by their evil
twins. A scaring thought when thinking at, that it's just Locksley who
are working on yet another thingie for a Cuddlelander. I don't know
why, but sometimes he reminds me about a . 
I'm not so sure I wanna pay him a visit, because I might end up in the
transmorgifier thing, becoming a part of one of his many experiements
or even get assigned to actually work there. I better just leave a
note saying I was here.

Let me make a statement while I'm still here. I'm absolutely not fit
for any kind  of technical or scientific work. I can't even whap my
own puter properly when it doesn't want to work for me.

But one of those places at the castle I want to visit is the
Cuddleland Infimary. At the moment I know Megan is there and Sweet
Galahad who is trolling for hugs and therefore has assigned himself
for a permanent bed.

I tiptoe in, because it is not visiting hours this time a day and I
can see that both Megan and Galahad are sleeping dreaming sweet
dreams. Over their beds there is placed a sign which says, "Do not let
these two Cuddlelanders come near a puter. They are severely infected
with "SPOD D".

Anyway since I'm here, but can't get myself to wake them up, I just
place these boxes next to their beds. Each of them contains assorted
cookies and a very large amount of *HealingHugs'n'Knus'n'Cuddles* and
a single tickle or two.

(Contiues tomorrow or another day)

Sweet Sara

Part 9

(Contiued from previous episode)

After having visited Galahd and Megan at the infirmary I walks out of
the castle. On my way out I meet our own head nurse Nanny Owl and stop
for a minute to say hello...........

SS:"Owl, you don't have to walk in there right now. I've just been

       there and they're both sleeping, I think but I'm not quite   
       sure. As soon as I turned my back to leave I thought I heard   
       someone giggle and the sound of a puter which was turned on. Is

       puters really allowed here?? and what about the sign over their

       beds saying NO PUTERS."

NO:"Don't worry. It's just a tape playing in the background so that  
      they won't get too much behind when they're finally able to 

SS:"Ok, but I'm still a bit worried that they actually have persuaded 
      someone to give them a puter."

When back in the meadow I start to walk towards the Cuddleland
mountains, my favorite place. And there, there are far more people and
strange creatures hanging out. I think most of them are newbies,
because I haven't said hello to them yet. This time I'll leave them
alone, but as soon as they start to move I'll be there to say hello. I
remember when I was a very new newbie, lurking in Cuddleland from my
place in the Cuddleland mountain. It was a wonderful time..........

(Sweet Sara turns to take a look out of the RL window. It is dark and
HEY SNOWING AGAIN, but somehow it helps the memory)

As said before it was a wonderful time. It was the Summer Ball and
TuggyBear and Charlie wasnīt even PiTA or KiTA yet, though very close
to become such. I remember the moon, the stars which got an even
brighter light in the moement Tuggy and Charlie got crowned. I
remember al the fun people had, the dancing, the beautiful music and
how people by the end of the ball all had their ride on Tiernan's
magic carousel before they had the Cuddle In next to the pond.  Hope
to get a chance for a ride sometime during the festivities.

(And then Sweet Sara again is lost in her own memories abous

(Continues soon)

Part 10

All I ask, Is there a decent lawyer in the house? Not that I need one,
but would be good to know since I don't want one with just the
slighest similarity to the below described.

Anyway read and enjoy. I'm sure lawyers aren't the only ones making
those goofy questions, so any funny Cuddleland stories about such

>Some questions taken from court records, posed by lawyers you
>probably don't want representing you:
>Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
>Q: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in
>most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about
>it until the next morning?
>Q: What happened then?
>A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify
>me." Q: Did he kill you?
>Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
>Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
>Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? 
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?  
>A: I used to be.
>Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
>Q: So you were gone until you returned?
>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?
>Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,
>but can you describe it?
>Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
>A: Yes.
>Q: Did they go up also?

Sweet Sara


Used with permission of the author, Sweet Sara.

Please see the copyright notice.

Last modified: November 05, 1998 by Locksley