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Thumper's Newbie Cuddlings ...

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Sir Thumper is Tim I. Monaghan [Tim@Skidmark.Mitre.Org]

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*CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK*

Slowly the door to Princess Angela's Cuddle Castle opens. Its hard work since the hinges have begun to stick, due to lack of use. Inside it's dark, cold, and lonely. Cobwebs cover the doorways and furniture. There's not even one glowing ember in the fireplace. Off in the corner, gathering dust is the Motorized Comfy Chair w/ headrest (tm). The kitchen is also empty. Thre is no sign of Princess Angela, Bonnie the Butlerette Elf, Comet, or any of the other residents of this castle. Slowly, two figures move into the main hall.

"Raawwooooooooo"
Sir Thumper turns, "I know Snuggles, I miss her too." >:(

Moving quickly, Thumper goes over to Angela's crystal ball. Sadly, it too is dark. *sigh* "I was hoping this crystal ball could give us a hint of where Princess Angela is, and when she'll be returning.

"Oh well, there's nothing we can do about it now, but that doesn't mean that Angela should have to deal with all this when she does get back."

(Thumper peers out into cyberspace hopefully, wishing Angela good luck wherever she may be.)

(Thumper pulls our a whistle)

*FWEEEEET*

Suddenly dozens of tickle-bunnies come charging through the door, carrying brooms, mops, dustcloths, etc. They quickly get to work cleaning the castle. All the windows are washed. The banisters are polished. The pots, pans, dishes, silverware, and glassware in the kitchen are cleaned. The dust and cobwebs are removed. The rugs are vaccuumed and cleaned. The crystal ball is polished to a mirror shine. The Book of Magic is dusted off. A few of the tickle-bunnies begin giving the Motorized Comfy Chair with headrest (tm) a 30,000 mile tune-up. Outside, the walls of the Cuddle Castle are white-washed and scrubbed. Inside, Snuggles the velvet-black cuddle dragon busys himself chasing away the few cold-pricklies that have managed to invade the castle walls. They are quickly dealt with. (*munch*gulp*yum!* you see, cold-pricklies are a favorite snack of cuddle-dragons.)

Finally, the work is done. Angela's Cuddle Castle shines like new, awaiting her return. Whenever that may be. Sir Thumper turns to Snuggles, "I think you should stay here until Princess Angela returns. We don't want more cold-pricklies getting in and messing up the place." Snuggles nods and flies up to the highest tower.

(Thumper peers out into cyberspace, "Good luck with the RL job search. We miss you. *gianthugs*giantcuddles*)

Til Next Time ....
Sir Thumper, KiTA.

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Whistling a happy tune, Tom (of the skydiving .sig) heads toward Cuddle U. after a successful ambush hug of The Wandering Minstrel. "I can see why Princess Angela and Sir Thumper enjoy ambush-hugging so much." thinks Tom. "All you seem to need is a 'Cuddle Treaty' and an unsuspecting target."

Further down the path Tom hears a faint flapping sound, which begins to grow louder. Tom looks around but cannot find the source of the noise.

Finally looking up, Tom sees a large group of Cuddle-Dragons flying in formation high overhead. Suddenly, dozens of small colored shapes seem to fall off the backs of the Cuddle-Dragons.

Looking closer, Tom realizes that the small shapes are actually dozens of tickle-bunnies and elves, wearing parachutes!

As they fall the elves and tickle-bunnies begin to join together in a giant formation:

  ****   ****   ***   *** ***   ***  *******    ****   ****
 ****** ******  ***   *** ***   *** *********  ****** ******
*************** ***   *** ***   *** ***   *** ***************
*************** ***   *** ***   *** ***   *** ***************
 *************  ********* ***   *** ***        *************
  ***********   ********* ***   *** ***         ***********
   *********    ***   *** ***   *** *** *****    *********
    *******     ***   *** ***   *** *** *****     *******
     *****      ***   *** ***   *** ***   ***      *****
      ***       ***   *** ********* *********       ***
       *        ***   ***  *******   *******         * 

Their formations completed, the bunnies and elves pull thier rip-cords, and begin a slow decent to the ground.

Tom is so impressed by this display that he fails to notice that the cuddly skydivers are landing in a perfect circle, with him in the center.

Too late, he realizes that he is surrounded.

"AMBUSH HUG!"

Looking up, Tom sees the last two skydivers come in for a landing, it's Sir Thumper and Princess Angela.

The Tickle-Bunnies pounce on Tom...

*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**

The Elves Pounce on Tom...

*cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**
*cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**
*cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**
*cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**cuddle**

The Tickle-Bunnies and Elves scatter, leaving a thuroughly huggled Tom gasping on the ground.

Sir Thumper pulls out a scroll and reads:

"In accordance with the Cuddle Treaty signed by Princess Angela and Sir Thumper, with special notice to subsection D (Ambush-Hugging without a license) you have been Ambush-Hugged."

*gasp*giggle*pant* "Wait a minute!" protests Tom, "I've got my owm Cuddle Treaty right here" *gasp*snicker*

Tom hands Princess Angela his treaty.

"Hmmm, A Cuddle Treaty between Tom and himself. Well, everything seems in order." Princess Angela hand's Tom's treaty over to Sir Thumper.

After looking at the treaty Thumper replies "I guess you do have a license to Ambush-Hug. However, subsection E of _our_ Cuddle Treaty clearly states that no resident of Alt.Cuddleland is exempt from Ambush-Hugs. Especially those who Ambush-Hug others." *grin* Thumper returns Tom's Cuddle Treaty.

With that, Princess Angela disappears in a cloud of Cherry-Red smoke, and Sir Thumper hops away, quickly blending in with the forest underbrush.

Til Next Time ....
Sir Thumper, KiTA.

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CHAPTER 1

It's a clear bright morning in Alt.Cuddleland (being a weather reporter here is very easy). And there is much activity everywhere. Lurkers are trying to stay hidden, but they are eventually drawn out. Newbies are popping up here and there, and are quickly pounced and flounced by princesses, knights, octopuses, bears, rats, ferrets, cats, ducks, and all other manner of cuddly residents of this land. A few rabbits can be seen hopping from place to place, carrying rolls of cloth, Velcro and foam. Wait a minute! Cloth, Velcron and FOAM?! What's going on here?

CHAPTER 2

A typical morning in Princess Angela's CuddleCastle. Comet is busily attacking a fearsome can of tuna that jumped out of a kitchen cabinet, and was trying to run outside( No, really, that's what happened, insists Comet). Angela is busy studying her Book of Magic for new spells to locate lurkers. Bonnie the Butlerette elf is bust shining the crystal globe, so Angela will have no problem seeing newbies when they appear. A few of the elves are down in the workshop giving the motorized comfy chair (with headrest) it's 60,000 mile checkup. The rest of the elves are in the kitchen, making loads of Nanaimo bars, cakes, and licorice. However, Angela may want to reconsider putting Dippy in charge of the kitchen, he seems to have misread the recipes and preparation instructions, The frosting on the cakes is at least 6 inches thick. The Nanaimo bars have four times as much chocolate and sticky frosting as usual. And the licorice whips are being cut into 15 foot lengths. Oh well, let's hope Angela's hungry.

CHAPTER 3

Pooky, the Alt.CuddleDragon, and #1 Cuddle slave of Princess Judy is out for a stroll by the Cuddle Pond. He stops to take in the wonderful scenery, (What?! We have scenery? All I see is mountains, trees, rocks, a rabbit with a camera, a few ducks....Wait! A RABBIT with a CAMERA???)

*FLASH*

Pooky blinks quickly, trying to get the little blue spots out of his eyes

"Thumper! You nearly blinded me with that flash. What are you doing?"

"Umm, wellll, you see.....our parties seems to be attracting a lot of newbies and lurkers these days. But when they arrive, they have no idea where to go, or who to look for. Aahh, worse, I can see where some of them might be startled by the approach of talking dragons, ducks, cats, and even rabbits. What we need is some kind of 'Who's Who' for Alt.Cuddleland. Maybe something with pictures, so that the newbies and lurkers will know us when they see us (yeah that's it). Or at least know who we are after we've pounced them."

"So I thought I'd take a few pictures of the residents. But..but posed pictures look so stiff, I'm trying to catch people being , uh, natural."

"Oh" says Pooky, as the last of the dots fade from his sight. "Well in that case, I guess I understand. Let me know how the picture turns out"

"Sure thing, Pooky."

With that, Thumper puts his camera back in his bag, and hops off into the forest.

CHAPTER 4

The tickle-bunnies have been working all night, but the project is finished. Sir Thumper hops in to check the finished product.

"Yes, perfect. Looks just like him. She'll never know the difference."

Thumper checks the back of the costume. "And it's all held together by Velcro?" The tickle-bunnies nod. "How long will it take to put on?"

"About 10 seconds." replies one of the bunnies.

"Well then, we're all set. I guess it's time to see Angela, and find out how she's doing. Better take this apart and take it to the clearing. But be careful, this has to be a surprise."

The tickle-bunnies nod their understanding, and quickly get to work disassembling the costume. When they are done they each take a piece and hop off toward the nearby clearing, where they hide and await the signal.

CHAPTER 5

Sir Thumper arrives at Princess Angela's Cuddle Castle and knocks on the door. Bonnie the Butlerette elf answers and shows him in. "Bonnie, is everything ready? Where's Angela?"

Bonnie replies "Angela went to meet Princess Judy. We finished everything early this morning. We're all set to go."

"Great!" says Sir Thumper. " I hope this works."

Thumper, Bonnie, and the rest of the elves start to carry a long table, chairs, cakes, Nanaimo bars, licorice, and a sign that reads "Princess Angela's Famous Nanaimo bars and assorted party desserts" toward a nearby clearing. When they arrive, they quickly begin to set up their stand. They hang the sign high enough so that everyone in Alt.Cuddleland can see it.

They don't have to wait long. Soon, the many residents of this cuddly place are stopping by to sample the treats. After a while Stu of the Flanneled Knickers sees the sign and decides, since he's a little hungry from recently ambushing Thumper and saving The Wandering Minstrel, to try one of Angela's creations. Bonnie sees him coming and greets him in a cheery tone. "Well now, lad, and what can I be getting you this fine day? A Nanaimo bar perhaps." Stu thinks for a minute, "Sure, that sounds fine, how much are they?"

"Oh, the usual, a hug and a cuddle."

"All I have is a snuggle...can you make change?"

"Oh very funny. Aren't we the comedian. Here, have one on the house."

Bonnie hands Stu a rather large Nanaimo bar. Stu takes a bite, and discovers two things. First, the Nanaimo bar is delicious, and second, that he was hungrier than he though, and quickly finishes the sweet dessert. Too late he realizes something else. The Nanaimo bar is EXTRA sticky. Stu can't open his mouth or speak clearly. "whumpf mowgn wun?" Stu askes.

"Oh dear!" replies Bonnie, (a little too loudly.) "I guess Dippy put too much chocolate and sticky frosting in that last batch. Don't worry Stu, you should be unstuck in a few minutes."

Hearing the signal, the tickle-bunnies emerge from the bushes, each carrying what looks like a piece of a POOKY COSTUME! They quickly pounce on a confused Stu and reassemble the costume with Stu inside it. Sir Thumper hops out from behind a tree, grabs a long length of black licorice, and binds up "Pooky".

Stu realizes he's in deep trouble, and tries to cast a spell of protection. Alas, it is hard to cast a proper spell when you can't speak, move your hands, or think clearly because of surprise and confusion. Even so, thinks Stu, this ambush doesn't make much sense. Unless....

CHAPTER 6

"Ah, here we are Judy. You have GOT to try on of my Nanaimo bars..." says Princess Angela, as she leads Princess Judy into the clearing. Judy of course, has stopped listening to Angela once she caught sight of "Pooky."

Suddenly, Stu understands it all. And becomes VERY nervous when he sees the sudden gleam in Judy's eyes. He desperately begins to try and break the black licorice whips, but there seem to be too many of them. He tries to tell Judy who he really is, but all that comes out are muffled grunts and groans. Of course, all Judy sees and hears is a struggling, whimpering, "cuddle-slave."

Luckily for Stu, all his struggling causes the head of the "Pooky" costume to fall off.

"Wha...What's going on here!" demands Princess Judy.

"Maybe we should explain." replies Princess Angela.

"Yes, I think you should." says Judy.

Thumper begins to explain. "Well, a few days ago, I set up an ambush-hug of The Wandering Minstrel. Everything was going properly, until Stu here, decided to join in. He ambushed me an I was ambushing the Minstrel. They tied me up with licorice and threatened to turn me over to you, since you were 'looking for another Cuddle-Slave'."

Angela joins in, "So we came up with this plan to, well, demonstrate to Stu what a BAD idea that was."

"Yes, Stu, You really shouldn't say things like that. Someone might think you were serious." says Thumper

By this time Stu has been able to swallow enough of the Nanaimo bar to speak clearly. "Yes, I guess you're right. I'm sorry Thumper, I shouldn't have made that threat. Now, will SOMEBODY please untie me and help be out of this 'Pooky' costume?"

Picking up the head for the costume, Thumper says "Well, Stu, there we have a little problem." Placing the costume head back over Stu's head Thumper continues, "you see, we only had a plan for getting you into that costume, we never made a plan for getting you out!"

With that, Sir Thumper, Princess Angela, the elves, and the tickle-bunnies pick up the table, chairs, and desserts, take down the sign, and begin to leave the clearing,

"Wait!" cries Stu. "How am I supposed to get loose?"

Angela replies, "Ask Princess Judy. I'm sure she'll help you if you ask her nicely." *giggle*

"I'll GET you for this Thumper!"

"Why don't we call a truce Stu? Each of us has ambushed the other. Let's call it even. If this goes on we'll have a cuddle war, and we'll be too busy outdoing each other to pay attention to the newbies and lurkers. We might even scare a few of them away. Just think about it, ok?"

Angela, Thumper and the rest depart, leaving Princess Judy and Stu to work out Stu's little problem...

(Author's note: What happens next, if anything, is for someone else to write.)

Til Next Time...
Sir Thumper, KiTA

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Compiled by Robert P. "Pooky" Beyer

Please see the copyright notice.

Last modified: November 05, 1998 by Locksley